Thursday, September 12, 2013

10 Things to Do When Waiting for a Friend That Isn't Eye-Making-Love to Your Phone

Because we've all been waiting outside the fro-yo place ten minutes before our friends/significant other/future dead-person-for-making-me-wait-so-long actually shows up.

I, like so many others, become obsessed with my phone when this happens. Because HEAVEN AND THE GREEN POWER RANGER FORBID that a stranger will notice I'm there alone and think "wow I guess she has no friends or family or hobbies or interests or career plans."  I have no idea why looking at our phones makes us feel like we're showing the world "LOOK I KNOW I'M HERE ALONE BUT I'M CLEARLY LOOKING AT SOMETHING REALLY IMPORTANT I'M BUSY VERY BUSY AND IMPORTANT AND MY APPS ARE PERFECTLY ORGANIZED."

(Side-note: Be very suspicious of people who have perfectly organized apps)
(Other side-note: Is this how you do side-notes?)

So I'm making a list of things we should do that isn't looking at our phone when we're waiting outside of Chili's.

  1. Pick a person near you and try to guess their biggest fear based off their shoes.
  2. Spin in circles until you get dizzy then stop and stare at someone and verbally blame them for you feeling dizzy.
  3. Come up with 10 reasons why John Mayer can't stay in a committed relationship.
  4. Come up with 9 reasons why every one of your 10 reasons makes sense.
  5. Try to do a handstand. Keep trying. Keep trying. No, that one didn't count. 
  6. Find a cup and try to do the Cups song and then make up your own lyrics that have to do with how oranges are hard to peel sometimes.
  7. Count all of your fingers and toes, then miscount them and freak out.
  8. Figure out a way to give the person nearest to you a vibe that says you think you're superior. Nonverbally.  
  9. Get angry about the patriarchy.
  10. Look up and panically yell "THE SKY IS PERFECTLY INTACT." Then continue to stare to make sure it's still intact. 

Or bring a book. 

And THROW it at people.

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